While I still suffer from Severe, Chronic, Complex PTSD, today I can celebrate the woman I am and have become. I found this poem which I would like to share with you. It speaks of my journey over the last 10 years and helps me to celebrate the healing that has happened in my life. It speaks of my resiliency even though I live daily with the disabling effects of early and long term trauma.
Imagine a Woman
Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good that she is a woman
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who believes she is good
A woman who trusts and respects herself
Who listens to her needs and desires and meets them with tenderness and grace
It has taken me 10 years of incredible pain and darkness to come to this place of seeing my life having value and purpose again. To come to this place where I can hold such wonder and joy for living while also holding the pain and suffering from my PTSD. I have never felt more fully human and fully alive. I have never felt such intense gratitude and acceptance for what is. I have never experienced such peace for the woman I have become.
I am writing this blog to break the silence of my entire life – a life where I hid the pain of my PTSD from everyone because I did not want people to think I was mentally ill or crazy. It led to a lifetime of complete internal suffering, silence and bearing the shame I had for a part of who I was. PTSD is a significant part of me but it is not all of me. Today, I can celebrate that I have the tools and relationships to manage it a day at a time, sometimes a moment at a time. Continue reading
One of the gifts of the last 10 years is that I’ve learned to live each day as it comes. Otherwise I get overwhelmed by sadness that my pain will continue for the rest of my life. So sunrise has become important to me! I’m often up early, since I don’t sleep well anyways.