Just even thinking about writing something about living on disability – both public and private – brings such a deep sense of fear, terror and shame I have for being in this position in my life. It is certainly something I never thought would happen to me; however, here I am having to depend on others for financially supporting me to meet my basic needs. It is a sad, humbling and frightening experience for a variety of reasons.
First, I lived with the gift of financial freedom for 25 year of my career life and then I could no longer do it anymore. The loss of that gift is extremely painful and leaves me in a very vulnerable and powerless position. I feel like I can no longer live out my adult responsibility of being financially responsible for myself and my family. I struggle with that daily. Continue reading
I’ve heard it has been said that a dream shared, an intention shared, has a greater chance of becoming true so that is what this week’s blog is about – my dreams and hopes for the future. As I struggle to write this blog, I came to realize that my dreams and hopes are all about my ability to find work that I could perform while managing my physical and mental illness. In an article in USA Today (July 10, 2014), it states that 80% of people receiving public mental health services are unemployed while 61% of these same people are wanting to work. I am one of those people desperate to work again. My dreams and hopes are the only ways that I could see being able to be back in the workforce because being on disability haunts me every day. (More on this next week.) Continue reading
Each week I travel to Boston for therapy. It is an 8 hour trip that is full of pain and discomfort so it is not an easy task to accomplish because of my CPTSD. I take the trip because these appointments have saved and transformed my life. They are medical necessity just like a diabetic would take insulin.
Each week I know that my anxiety will be high. It will affect my sleep the night before and sap my energy the next day due to all the distress I undergo. Fortunately, I have developed enough tools to manage the challenges of getting onto the bus to Boston, to then walk through a busy bus/train station, to get onto the subway, and to walk through the city. These pose challenges for me because I am highly sensitive to the noise, crowds, traffic, sunlight, the emotions and energy of other people and the fact that I am outside my home for multiple hours.