Over the next few weeks, I have decided I would like to share with you some of the practices I have developed over the last 10 years that have led me to this place where I freely own my disabilities but also recognize my brilliance and magnificence. For it is this brilliance and magnificence that has helped me to develop a life of bliss in which I live more fully human, fully alive while realizing I cannot eradicate my pain. The first practice I would like to share is the practice of Gratefulness. It seemed appropriate to start there having just celebrated Thanksgiving. Continue reading
I try to publish a blog every Sunday. Last week I wrote 3 different blogs and choose not to post any of them. In hindsight, I think I was avoiding the questions I have been thinking and reflecting upon the last few weeks. On two different occasions recently, I have been asked if I was willing to give up my suffering. My reality is that I live with the daily mental and physical challenges that come with PTSD, and pain is a part of my life. I wondered if I could be in pain and not suffer. Immediately, I remembered that my last blog talked about how my pain, challenges and limitations were bringing me to a deeper relationship with life. They truly are bringing me a more vibrant, authentic and sacred life. Actually, I am grateful for how I have learned to live with them every day. As I am reflecting on whether you could give up suffering while in pain, two further questions are popping into my mind. They are as follows:
First: Why do I think I still need to suffer? Is it because I don’t think I am worthy of a good life? Continue reading
This past Wednesday was the 10th anniversary of my entering into a therapeutic relationship with Lisa. Back then, I chose to do that because I had come to a place where I was physically, mentally and emotionally broken. In the 10 years since, I have pursued every strategy I believed research had shown to alleviate PTSD. I fought and fought to get back to the successful professional life I knew and loved. Reality is that simple daily self care is a daunting task which brings me to the painful realization that I may never get back to the work I loved. However, today I feel I am entering a very new place with living fully with Severe, Complex PTSD while still experiencing the tremendous grief and loss of my professional life.
Today, I can proclaim that I am not broken. Actually I am very far from it. Continue reading
I feel I will always be affected by trauma. Deepak Chopra mentions in his book, Super Brain, that trauma stays with you. I fully agree. My reality is that there is a piece of me that will always be a victim to trauma. I get angry when people say do not be a victim. I want to tell them to stand in my shoes and then tell me I am not a victim. I wonder if they really know how much I suffer each day. However, where I am no longer a victim is in finding and embracing my own sense of personal power, in taking full responsibility for my own personal transformation and growth, taking responsibility to create the life I want and need and finally, living to my fullest potential.