At my first stint at an outpatient treatment program in 2006, they discussed how meditation was a tool for dealing with PTSD. It was a part of our everyday program. I was a miserable failure at this. I had difficulty closing my eyes with other people in the room. I was at high alert so I could not close my eyes. If by chance I was able to shut them for a short period of time, I would find myself totally separating from my body. I already had dissociation down to an art form and did not want to improve in that area. Continue reading →

I know there is no magic wand to fix severe, complex, chronic PTSD. What I have found to help me thrive I call strategies for PTSD. One of my strategies I use to manage my distress is what I now call “Movement.” I use to call it exercise but I was obsessed with that because it was the only way I could combat the weight I was gaining on the medications that I truly need to help manage the basics of daily living. I have struggled with my body image my whole life, beginning with being called “pork chop” as a child even though I was an average weight.

I began therapy in November, 2004. At that time I was working full time and doing a regular exercise program not because I thought it was good for my body but I was afraid that I would put on more weight as I aged. Continue reading →

As I said last week, I would use my blogs over the next months to share the tools I use and how they have evolved over the last 10 years. I still plan on doing that. However, this has been a very growth filled week for me. This past month I signed up to be part of an Energy Immersion Program with Panache Desai (PanacheDesai.com) and I started some body work called Rolfing. I did not know why I was choosing to do this as part of my transformation process and recovery but my self-organizing system gave me the insight that these two programs were the next steps of my healing. Continue reading →