I finished reading Scared Sick: The Role of Childhood Trauma in Adult Disease by Robin Karr-Morse and with Meredith S. Wiley. At the end of the book they talked about the number of children worldwide that are being traumatized at this point in time. I could feel my murderous rage and anger rise up at this. It then ignited my passion and I started to think about how I could be part of a system that addresses the abuse of children worldwide. It has huge implications for where we will be as a species in the years to come. I have always been an activist in dealing with the education of inner city children where 40% of the children have PTSD due to childhood developmental trauma. Continue reading
I have been reading Scared Sick: The Role of Childhood Trauma in Adult Disease by Robin Karr-Morse and with Meredith S. Wiley. It is causing all sorts of emotions to rumble around in my mind and body making daily self regulation a challenge. I am grateful that I have routines for every minute of my day that help me self regulate. I really have to push myself to use them because otherwise I would get overwhelmed by the enormity of the feelings I am having.
First, I feel grief and murderous rage for really being scared sick my whole life. Actually, I still get scared sick when darkness comes each day, when I go to bed each night and when I need to take a shower because of flashbacks and memories even though I have never felt luckier to have such a safe and loving home in my life. I feel such intense bliss for knowing what it feels like to be fully safe and emotionally validated by my husband. I feel strong feelings at both ends of the spectrum. Continue reading
It is with a heavy heart that I write this blog. At the Kripalu weekend on PTSD, a good deal of time was spent doing yoga. I have tried yoga in the past but I ended up in such chronic pain each time so I adapted some poses and added them into my movement session each day. It really worked for me. Well after hearing from the experts that movement and yoga can be a part of the “cure” I immediately went into the bookstore and bought not one gentle yoga DVD but I also bought another restoration yoga DVD. This mentality that something can “cure” me drives me every day. I thought I had come to peace with my PTSD and that I had built a fulfilling life with it but I still obviously want a “cure” after 10 years.
I got home with the DVD and I immediately thought that I would do the entire 80 minute program the first session. Well, I was only able to do 10 minutes and the next morning my body was in such pain that it kept me up most of the next night.
The reality is that I have been constricting my body since I was a baby. Continue reading
Last weekend, I attended a workshop hosted by Bessel van der Kolk, MD at Kripalu Center in West Stockbridge, Massachusetts. It was a follow up to his book “The Body keeps the Score”, Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma, 2014. It was both a powerful experience as well as a triggering one.
I thought I would share with you my reflections on the weekend that I sent to the 100+ participants. This is something I could never have done before I started this blog.
To all Participants,
My name is Janet Cate and I was delighted to be a co-participant in last weekend’s workshop. I would like to share some of my reflections of the weekend with all of you. I have severe, complex, chronic PTSD from early childhood and long term trauma. I have spent the last 10 years trying to eradicate it. I have tried any treatment money could buy to “cure” me. I have used body work (Reiki, Acupuncture, massage and Rolfing), EMDR, Mindfulness, Yoga, Meditation, Somatic Experience, Neurofeedback, Equine Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Talk Therapy. I pulled out all the stops with the ultimate goal of being able to get back to my work of trying to improve urban education for all children. Continue reading