Turning Rage Around

I finished reading Scared Sick: The Role of Childhood Trauma in Adult Disease by Robin Karr-Morse and with Meredith S. Wiley. At the end of the book they talked about the number of children worldwide that are being traumatized at this point in time. I could feel my murderous rage and anger rise up at this. It then ignited my passion and I started to think about how I could be part of a system that addresses the abuse of children worldwide. It has huge implications for where we will be as a species in the years to come. I have always been an activist in dealing with the education of inner city children where 40% of the children have PTSD due to childhood developmental trauma. My activism began with teaching in inner city schools for over 15 years. I then continued my activism while getting my Masters and Ph. D in education with a focus on urban education. During all the time I studied, I worked in urban schools with student teachers and helped run a program for graduate students interested in working in urban schools. Finally, I taught student teachers about issues of classroom management and negotiating power and powerlessness in the classroom at a University. In all, I had 25 meaningful years in the urban setting. Then in 2006, I had my complete physical breakdown and eventually a mental health breakdown in 2008. Both breakdowns were connected to my severe, chronic, complex PTSD.

Now I have learned to live fully with my PTSD. Part of that is living comfortably from the basement of my home where I am healing my overstimulated central nervous system. Yet, I still have this deep yearning to be an activist in this worldwide epidemic of childhood abuse and developmental trauma. Again, my reality is that daily self care is a challenge some days. I am racking my brain trying to see how I could use cyberspace to address these pressing issues. I want to turn my murderous rage into a power that works to lessen child abuse and trauma while also challenging worldwide structures that support the abuse and traumatization. It is a dream at this point. I really feel led in this direction but the challenges from my PTSD are immense.

I feel that my blog could be a way of addressing these issues. I will just need to be more educated around the topics. My best time to focus is when I first wake up in the morning. In fact, for the past 2 days, I have been up since 1 am. Sleep is one of my constant challenges.

Another avenue of getting involved is by learning about organizations that are already working to challenge worldwide systems of abuse. This will require some research which I have not had the mental ability to do yet due to being easily overwhelmed with the internet.

Any suggestions or leads would be greatly appreciated.


4 thoughts on “Turning Rage Around

  1. Sabrina Glidden

    I’m just learning more about PTSD, of which was diagnosed 30yrs ago. At that time all most people knew about it was for war veterans, and for me it was after a tragic event in my family. In recent years I’ve been in constant trigger mode and I’m trying to recover. I will look forward to checking back here.

    1. janetcate Post author

      Thanks for following my blog and for your comment. I have had PTSD all my life, 55 years, but was not diagnosed until I was 45. I had a complete physical breakdown first and then I experienced mental health challenges a few years later. All connect to PTSD. PTSD can come on thirty years later. Something triggers it. I hope we can be supportive of each other as we both work on recovering. I had to define what recovery means to me. I feel I have recovered but I still have severe PTSD but I know how to manage it now.

  2. Sabrina Glidden

    I think supporting each other sounds like wisdom :). When I was 14 was when I had the physical part, which was temporary blindness and they called in conversion disorder. Afterwards I had to recover some physical coordination. I grew to be a high functioning adult but have struggled with anxiety until I encountered some triggers an few years ago. Finally just over a year ago I was hospitalized and haven’t been able to work since. I’m really coming to the point where I want to stand up and accept where I am and stop purposefully hiding in shame. So glad to meet others who understand, like you.

    1. janetcate Post author

      I was a high functioning adult as well until my physical health became such a challenge and I had to take a medical leave. I have not been able to work since then. I understand the shame that you feel. I struggle with it as well. At this point I have created a life full of bliss and pain while living with PTSD. I sometimes think about how strong I was to have been able to have a 25 year career which brought me great success despite the pain and anxiety I had in my life on a daily basis. I have to daily accept where I am at. My challenges are great. Some days I just cannot believe it is so challenging. I found this line that gives me purpose. Every single moment you feel challenged today, embrace the opportunity to be the change you want to see in the world.


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