Monthly Archives: March 2015

What was I Thinking?????

In last week’s blog I wrote “Today I can say that the past is in the past now.” What was I thinking?? I think that I was having a span of time where everything was great and I wanted to stay with and embrace the spontaneity, excitement, joy, curiosity and aliveness that I was feeling during this time. Since then I have returned to the reality that my past will never be in the past. I am the woman I am today because of all the lessons from my past and how I incorporate them into my present. I do truly love the woman I am today. Continue reading

I Found My Heart Is Still Blocked

This has been a very interesting week. I had this incredible dream where my many self-states were aligned within my internal parent and I had this great sense of personhood. I had never felt so free and so powerful in my life. I was grounded and had such internal protectors. I fully embraced the joy and power of this experience and I committed to living my life from this personhood. This would be my gift to the world. Finally, I thought I would be free from my internal pain but I found my heart was still blocked. So then, Continue reading


I have been up for a couple of hours trying to bring down my hyperarousal through meditation, journaling and medication. It has helped a bit. There is a piece of me that is laughing at how hyperaroused I am in my body while at the same time there is a part of me that is frustrated that it is happening. Continue reading

My Trauma is not a Fatal Wound

It is with tremendous gratitude that I have made peace with my past and I can see some of the gifts I have developed in my life regardless of the abuse and trauma. My past has helped me to develop a powerful intuition and a great sensitivity to the energy and emotions of others and I often absorb others’ negative feelings and traumas. It is why my PTSD is so severe. My past, my pain and my terror have developed in me a complete commitment to healing. In this intense focus on healing I am finding a greater capacity to love, to empathize, to be compassionate and non-judgmental. Continue reading

Breakdown and/or Breakthrough

Ervin Laszlo wrote in his book, Chaos Point 2012 and Beyond, “A chaos point is the crucial tipping point in the evolution of a system in which trends that have brought the system to its present state break down and it can no longer return to its prior states and modes of behavior: it is launched irreversibly on a new trajectory that leads either to breakdown or to breakthrough to a new structure and a new mode of operation.”

This is the story of my life. I have always had signs of PTSD, chronic fatigue and chronic pain as far back as I can remember. Continue reading