What was I Thinking?????

In last week’s blog I wrote “Today I can say that the past is in the past now.” What was I thinking?? I think that I was having a span of time where everything was great and I wanted to stay with and embrace the spontaneity, excitement, joy, curiosity and aliveness that I was feeling during this time. Since then I have returned to the reality that my past will never be in the past. I am the woman I am today because of all the lessons from my past and how I incorporate them into my present. I do truly love the woman I am today.

My PTSD is from my past and I work so hard at managing it every day so I can experience all those emotions I highlighted above. It is my work 24 hours a day. On challenging days, my symptoms bring on feelings of being bone tired and bring up memories that seem to float through my mind and lead to disassociation. These are the more difficult days. So again, what was I thinking? It was the hope and wishful thinking at a particular time when everything seemed to be right with the world. I continue to strive to have more of these blissful days, weeks, and months through embracing my routines as a starting point.

4 thoughts on “What was I Thinking?????

  1. grace to survive

    Yes, some days are better than others. I feel content, then very blue and down on myself. But still in a better place than I can ever remember. Pain is a part of life no matter how I try to circumvent it. My pain isn’t body pain so much as my struggles with interpersonal relationships. I admire how despite your many challenges, you look on the bright side, every single time; a stronghold. You are so dependable.

    1. janetcate Post author

      No matter the pain and challenges I am experiencing, I too can say that I have never been in a better place than I am right now. The freedom and bliss continue to flourish in my life and I am much more able to lean into the pain and challenges instead of bracing and fighting against them. Thanks for the reminder.

  2. Cat

    It’s difficult not to feel discouraged whenever we hit a little blip, especially when things have been going so well. It never lasts and sometimes all we can do is ride the wave.

    1. janetcate Post author

      It is great that the difficult times pass. At this point I know what exactly to do to make that happen. Leaning into it or riding the wave is a great way to look at it. Thanks for the comment.


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