Early Morning

The other day my husband was reading the novel, The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, and he came across some writing that he felt compelled to share with me because he thought it would help me with my struggle about my perception of God. This is a topic I have avoided discussing in this blog until now. This blog reflects my thoughts alone; I do not intend to try to change anyone else’s beliefs.

I am glad so my husband trusted his instinct and his intimate knowledge of my journey of learning and discovery. The quote he shared is by Albert Einstein and it goes as follows:

“That which is impenetrable to us really exists. Behind the secrets of nature remains something     subtle, intangible, and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion.”

A second quote he shared was “The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It will transcend personal God and avoid dogma and theology.” These quotes helped define my new-found values and beliefs. I am building towards this in my own life at this point in time and it is what I hope for in the future. This is a far cry from the beliefs that I had when I became a religious sister in the Catholic Church for 10 years. This is part of the wholeness and clarification of beliefs that has come from my journey over the last 11 years.

By sharing these quotes my husband was living out with me our commitment to living a life that helps each of us grow into our greatest potential. I am so full of joy, bliss and gratitude for having this type of love in my life. I would never have dreamed that I could have this much love, abundance and clarity in my life nor did I feel that I was worthy of it. My life is so full but my PTSD is making every day challenging. I am having difficulty sleeping and I am having full hyperarousal to the point where I am having difficulty even breathing. It is leaving me quite depleted and it feeds into my chronic fatigue. Today I embrace and celebrate the abundance of joy and love in my life but I have also learned to embrace the hyperarousal and challenges that come as a result of feeling intensely all my emotions. This balance is difficult to hold at times because I am a highly sensitive person, living with PTSD.