Pleading for Relief

The words I am raining on the inside, my heart wells up with tears that want to pour by Amy Grant rings true for me today. I have everything I want in life and more for after all all I ever sought after was an abundance of love. I have that in my life and it fills me with wonder, amazement and awe. However, this all contributes to my deep suffering and for that I want to cry but I am unable to release this suffering through tears. I have to sit with open hands. I feel myself pleading for relief and I embrace all of it in the present moment. I embrace and love that I am so fully alive yet I mourn such deep suffering. I long for a central nervous system that is not hyperaroused while experiencing wonder and amazement. I cry out to the universe for relief.


7 thoughts on “Pleading for Relief

  1. janetcate Post author

    Thanks. My relief comes from being grateful for the joy I experience at the same time as my suffering because I am so fully human, fully alive.

  2. grace to survive

    I wish I could be more like you, but you give me strength to try. My anxiety lately has become burdensome and I wake each morning feeling fear. I remember Raymond teaching me diaphragmatic breathing and am trying to breathe deep and slow.

  3. janetcate Post author

    I the same fear still and my anxiety is burdensome too. I am sorry we both suffer but I think we can help each other hold it and even learn from it. I found the only way I can work with breathe is through movement like qigong. I do it every day and it really grounds me and gives me profound peace while in the middle of suffering. Blessings to you.

    1. grace to survive

      I had to google that. It sounds really great. Is there a program on-line that you learned to follow? I took Tai Chi during college and loved the gently strength it required. It sounds similar. Thank you Janet.
      Later yesterday after my comment about Raymond, the psychiatrist I saw back in 1991 for four years, I meditated a lot longer until my generalized anxiety calmed. But found once I began moving it tending to descend again. I kept thinking how he tried to teach me calmness, even taping a session where he talked me through a guided imagery session.
      I felt him close to me along with anyone else who ever showed kindness and the warmth helped me to calm my anxiety as I remembered to breathe deeply and slowly. It greatly improved my day allowing me to go out and do errands. The day before while shopping all’s I wanted to do was go home where I felt ‘safe,’ because I started feeling so anxious. (for no apparent reason)
      I do believe the change of seasons, March dripping into April, affects me greatly as my brain chemicals adjust to the longer days. It happens every year. Putting a name on it helped, though anxiety continues to be an issue depending on what challenges I face.

      1. janetcate Post author

        I use a DVD by Lee Holden for my Qigong. It is an am session and pm session. Each are about 40 minutes long. They are really light stretching exercises with breathing. It is similar to Tai Chi.
        I think the seasons are challenging as well. They definitely influence my sleep and level of anxiety. Right now I am feeling pretty desperate with my hypervigilance and anxiety as well even though life is going smoothly and really beautiful right now. It is just my central nervous system. I am sorry we both have to live with this suffering but I am grateful I have learned to bask in beauty while also suffering.

        I have real difficulty with guided meditations but it is getting better. I find that I meditate better while moving. I use the treadmill for meditation on days that I am able to do it. It feels great.
        Take care

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