I am still gripped by the fear and terror. Clearly, it is always there in the back of my mind. For example, every time I let the dog out into the yard, I cannot leave the door open until she comes back in. I have to close the door and bolt it and then only open it when she is on the top step ready to come in. There is this terror that someone will come in when the door is open and that I will be vulnerable to violence (my fear stories).
Today I am so gripped by fear and terror I need to have the house completely alarmed and still there is this sense of not being safe.
Again, I am reminded that the trauma has occurred in the past but it is still very much part of the present when you have PTSD.
What is different for me now is that I am able to nurture my mind, body, spirit and heart while gripped by the terror. I am able to make choices to create love, life, pleasure, purpose and inquiry despite the terror. This is where the freedom and liberation come for me. This is where the unfathomable joy comes for me.
Janet, your determination and grace in the face of such challenges is stunning.
Thank you. I appreciate your support and encouragement.