I have been up since 1am. I could not sleep and I felt a call from the universe to be awake. I live my day with a constant process of discovery and I am thriving with it. I love being on this adventure with the universe. I love being part of an evolving learning system. Unfortunately, my central nervous system continues to be hyperaroused throughout this process so while I feel so free, empowered and excited, I also experience deep, deep suffering. I am now seeing my suffering as also being connected to planetary suffering. We are at one, I feel I am a Bio-Cosmic Being.

I realize that my suffering is part of a larger picture and so I don’t feel so alone with my suffering. In addition, I hold both the suffering of myself and the planet in deep compassion and see it as part of the evolving learning system.

Today is another step towards my liberation and freedom, actually every day is. I am so grateful that I have a complete openness to my emotional, physical, mental and spiritual growth and development. I have always had this innate ability, I just never had the complete confidence in my path towards these goals. So today I can celebrate that I have that confidence as well as the ability to trust the wisdom of my gut brain, heart brain and head brain. For me, trusting in these three brain centers is truly connecting to my soul and my true, authentic self.

Trying to manage and recover from my illnesses over the last thirteen years has brought me to this beautiful and freeing place in my life. I never dreamed I could feel so free, liberated and so intimately connected to myself, others and the sacredness of life as it is in every moment.

Today has been a blessed day because I have come to a holy embrace of my suffering. With that embrace came a deep sense of rest and warmth with all that is. I am in the worst pain I have been in in my life but at the same time I feel this sense of deep gratitude for being able to hold with love all that I am feeling and experiencing. I never knew life could feel so complete and fulfilling while being able to hold all of my internal experience. There is this great sense of empowerment and liberation! I no longer fear or try to be free of my pain and suffering. I am embracing it as part of me living fully human, fully awake and part of the sacredness of me and my life. I sit in deep gratitude and fascination for all of my life while also embracing grief and sadness for my suffering.

This morning has been a period of deep reflection and silence as I waited dawn, listening to the birds. I have this practice that each morning I greet dawn by saying yes to all that the day will hold for me. This has become easier to do because I am at a place that I am deeply rooted in the belief that everything that happens in my life is contributing to my empowerment, liberation, freedom and expansion while increasing my ability to be a co-creator of my life. All of what is happening is leading to greater self- discovery and personal development, two things I have fully committed to in my life. It is my life’s path. Even the suffering that I have every day has contributed to my complete wholeness and magnificence because I have grown in my ability to be compassionate and loving towards myself and others. Continue reading →