A Grateful Heart

Today I have decided to publish my gratitude list that I do every morning. It is a beautiful way to start my day.

  • So grateful I have found the magical moments between 3-5 am when I feel so deeply connected to the energies of the universe, the cosmos and my own deep intuition.
  • So grateful for the gift of curiosity that has come into my life. I am interested in exploring the science of the living universe. I am interested in exploring the cosmos and the psyche. I am interested in exploring so many things. It is a beautiful gift to have found in my life and I get to have this gift for the rest of my life even though I have to hold the suffering that goes with it.  Today and every day, I have the daily practices and medications to help me manage the suffering to a degree so I am grateful for that.
  • So grateful that I feel life is a beautiful adventure and that I can hold Radical Unknowingness in this adventure. I look at aging as an adventure but I have no idea how it will go. However, I find it really exciting to see the changes that are happening as I age. What I do know is that I will keep this gift of inner aliveness that I have found in the last 13 years even though it causes me suffering. I can embrace again Radical Unknowingness with what happens during death and after death but I do know that my life will feed others some day so in that way I think of myself as being eternal.
  • So grateful that I found the energy to walk 30 minutes with my family and to do my Qigong. Due to my chronic fatigue I was unable to do them yesterday or sometimes for days at a time.
  • So grateful I am making the choice to explore my relationship with food. I am choosing to eat just whole foods, nothing from a box and eliminating sugar, dairy and gluten to see if it helps my overall condition. However, the main reason I am doing it is that over the last 13 years I have developed a deep love affair with my body and I want to treat it in respectful, holistic ways. It is not about weight for me, it is about loving my body tenderly.

I am coming to a close of a thirteen year adventure of being a professional inner researcher and a researcher of deep silence while constantly trying to find a cure for my suffering. It has only felt like a positive adventure the last few years. Many of those prior years felt like hell. Now I am entering an adventure of the sweet spot of surrender and acceptance of my daily suffering from PTSD, Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia but look so forward to using some of the gifts I have received – curiosity, a sense of adventure, the skills of being a professional inner researcher and a researcher of silence, a love for my body and myself and an ability to self-care, to continue my lifetime process of expansion, evolution and achieving greater consciousness for the greater good which is my main purpose in life. For all of it I stand in deep awe, wonder and gratitude. It is only because I have felt safe within my home environment that I have been able to really open myself to these gifts. A level of safety is required to be curious and explore. I am so glad I have found that in my life.

 

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