Living with PTSD, I have often had real problems with sleep. I am fortunately finding a balance of routines and medications (my tools) to help me have a full night sleep and I am grateful for that each morning. This morning I woke up rested but also mentally tired. I realize that this is my norm and holding this reality with love is where I am finding balance in my life.

I have spent the early part of this day reflecting on how I have really found this balance in my life, not in being cured but in holding my experience with true love and compassion. This morning my distress was palpable and intense, I felt I was crawling out of my skin because my hypervigilance was so strong. So, what I need to still assess is how to deal with it. If I wait until it is intense, then none of my tools will take it away. So I wonder how to balance the early morning and if taking medication first is the right way to try to prevent this anxiety.

I know that my participatory and anticipatory anxiety is very high each morning and has been for years. It is the most difficult time in my day because I am anxious about how I will get everything done in my day. In addition, I am also anxious about how challenging this day will be for me and if I will be able to handle my distress without trying to push it away or take a medication to solve my dilemma. Continue reading →