Category Archives: PTSD

A Blessed Day

Today has been a blessed day because I have come to a holy embrace of my suffering. With that embrace came a deep sense of rest and warmth with all that is. I am in the worst pain I have been in in my life but at the same time I feel this sense of deep gratitude for being able to hold with love all that I am feeling and experiencing. I never knew life could feel so complete and fulfilling while being able to hold all of my internal experience. There is this great sense of empowerment and liberation! I no longer fear or try to be free of my pain and suffering. I am embracing it as part of me living fully human, fully awake and part of the sacredness of me and my life. I sit in deep gratitude and fascination for all of my life while also embracing grief and sadness for my suffering.



Reflection Time

This morning has been a period of deep reflection and silence as I waited dawn, listening to the birds. I have this practice that each morning I greet dawn by saying yes to all that the day will hold for me. This has become easier to do because I am at a place that I am deeply rooted in the belief that everything that happens in my life is contributing to my empowerment, liberation, freedom and expansion while increasing my ability to be a co-creator of my life. All of what is happening is leading to greater self- discovery and personal development, two things I have fully committed to in my life. It is my life’s path. Even the suffering that I have every day has contributed to my complete wholeness and magnificence because I have grown in my ability to be compassionate and loving towards myself and others. Continue reading

Energy Draining Events

Having had two days with family and being in Boston has really challenged me health-wise. It was great to celebrate my nephews’ graduations and it was great to see family but it has taken a great toll on me. My fatigue and brain fog are very challenging. I have been somewhat incapacitated from the experience. This is my reality and I am at peace because I am fully accepting my reality and not focused on wishing it would be different. Continue reading

Time to Rest

After a 13 year process, I feel it is time for me to rest in ease, love and grace while at the same time recognizing the great distress from my hypervigilance. It is time for me to rest in self love, self mastery and self realization while at the same time experiencing my illnesses. It is time for me to celebrate the life I have built over these 13 years; a beautiful life of a mystic in relationship. There have been some long and harrowing years but feel that I have come to this place of completion. I am so grateful for those who have journeyed these years with me. Their love and support was always completely felt and really saved my life. Continue reading

Nature’s Blessing

Today in the midst of great pain and suffering I was drawn to be outside. As I sat in the chair taking in all the beauty of nature I felt such deep grace and love. I felt the wind caressing my body gently. The sound of the birds brought joy to my heart. Watching my dog play is always a deep pleasure. The trees reminded me to be deeply rooted and grounded in nature. I felt called to simply rest in the love that was all around me at this time. Continue reading

In the past few days my pain level has been a 10. Yesterday, I struggled with the vulnerability of having such high needs for help, support and love because I was unable to do much for myself. The feelings of being a burden and being perceived as weak crept back into my mind. Grief over having Chronic Illness was so present in my day. However, today I am looking at it much differently. Continue reading

The Continuing Adventure of Personal Expansion

This morning I used these mantras, “Bask in the beauty and love that is within me and around me.” “Rest and relax in this love.” “It is safe to feel this depth of beauty and love in my life.” It is really funny to be repeating these words and at the same time feeling my inability to rest and relax with a hyperaroused central nervous system. What I was able to do is receive everything I was feeling with such love and compassion. I was able to feel all the energy of these emotions and thoughts moving through my body and I felt such gratitude for feeling so alive and awake.

I am trying not to focus on my suffering anymore. Continue reading

A Sense of Safety Eludes Me

I feel a depth of intimacy with all of life. I feel this deep intimacy with my soul and my intuition. I am able to trust them enough to let them lead me throughout my day. They are leading me to a way of being that focuses on being present with the beauty and peace that surrounds me. Continue reading

An Invitation to Deeper Intimacy

My light and energy are vibrating through my body. I can feel this deep inner smile in every cell of my being. The universe is inviting me to deeper intimacy with my human, divine, sovereign, self. I feel unexplored vastness around the intimacy that is possible. An infinite potential for greater intimacy exists in every moment for me. It is beyond my present understanding and I eagerly await my evolving into deeper understanding of this level of intimacy with all of life. Continue reading

Taking an Inquiry Stance to Self-Discovery

This was another challenging night of sleep and I again woke up highly aroused. In my early morning reflection, I felt the grief for my suffering while at the same time holding so much excitement about my life and how each moment is a moment of infinite possibility. I have such a rich and vibrant learning community on line whose main focus is personal expansion. There are so many ways to expand your soul by taking an inquiry stance to self discovery. This is what I am dedicating my life to each day. It is an exhilarating way to live and it brings me great joy, however, it contributes to my suffering and inability to sleep. I am fortunate to have found a gift, I have learned to hold and dance with it all. I am full of immense gratitude.