After a 13 year process, I feel it is time for me to rest in ease, love and grace while at the same time recognizing the great distress from my hypervigilance. It is time for me to rest in self love, self mastery and self realization while at the same time experiencing my illnesses. It is time for me to celebrate the life I have built over these 13 years; a beautiful life of a mystic in relationship. There have been some long and harrowing years but feel that I have come to this place of completion. I am so grateful for those who have journeyed these years with me. Their love and support was always completely felt and really saved my life. Continue reading
Today in the midst of great pain and suffering I was drawn to be outside. As I sat in the chair taking in all the beauty of nature I felt such deep grace and love. I felt the wind caressing my body gently. The sound of the birds brought joy to my heart. Watching my dog play is always a deep pleasure. The trees reminded me to be deeply rooted and grounded in nature. I felt called to simply rest in the love that was all around me at this time. Continue reading
In the past few days my pain level has been a 10. Yesterday, I struggled with the vulnerability of having such high needs for help, support and love because I was unable to do much for myself. The feelings of being a burden and being perceived as weak crept back into my mind. Grief over having Chronic Illness was so present in my day. However, today I am looking at it much differently. Continue reading
This morning I used these mantras, “Bask in the beauty and love that is within me and around me.” “Rest and relax in this love.” “It is safe to feel this depth of beauty and love in my life.” It is really funny to be repeating these words and at the same time feeling my inability to rest and relax with a hyperaroused central nervous system. What I was able to do is receive everything I was feeling with such love and compassion. I was able to feel all the energy of these emotions and thoughts moving through my body and I felt such gratitude for feeling so alive and awake.
I am trying not to focus on my suffering anymore. Continue reading
I feel a depth of intimacy with all of life. I feel this deep intimacy with my soul and my intuition. I am able to trust them enough to let them lead me throughout my day. They are leading me to a way of being that focuses on being present with the beauty and peace that surrounds me. Continue reading
My light and energy are vibrating through my body. I can feel this deep inner smile in every cell of my being. The universe is inviting me to deeper intimacy with my human, divine, sovereign, self. I feel unexplored vastness around the intimacy that is possible. An infinite potential for greater intimacy exists in every moment for me. It is beyond my present understanding and I eagerly await my evolving into deeper understanding of this level of intimacy with all of life. Continue reading
This was another challenging night of sleep and I again woke up highly aroused. In my early morning reflection, I felt the grief for my suffering while at the same time holding so much excitement about my life and how each moment is a moment of infinite possibility. I have such a rich and vibrant learning community on line whose main focus is personal expansion. There are so many ways to expand your soul by taking an inquiry stance to self discovery. This is what I am dedicating my life to each day. It is an exhilarating way to live and it brings me great joy, however, it contributes to my suffering and inability to sleep. I am fortunate to have found a gift, I have learned to hold and dance with it all. I am full of immense gratitude.