A Sense of Safety Eludes Me

I feel a depth of intimacy with all of life. I feel this deep intimacy with my soul and my intuition. I am able to trust them enough to let them lead me throughout my day. They are leading me to a way of being that focuses on being present with the beauty and peace that surrounds me. Continue reading

An Invitation to Deeper Intimacy

My light and energy are vibrating through my body. I can feel this deep inner smile in every cell of my being. The universe is inviting me to deeper intimacy with my human, divine, sovereign, self. I feel unexplored vastness around the intimacy that is possible. An infinite potential for greater intimacy exists in every moment for me. It is beyond my present understanding and I eagerly await my evolving into deeper understanding of this level of intimacy with all of life. Continue reading

Taking an Inquiry Stance to Self-Discovery

This was another challenging night of sleep and I again woke up highly aroused. In my early morning reflection, I felt the grief for my suffering while at the same time holding so much excitement about my life and how each moment is a moment of infinite possibility. I have such a rich and vibrant learning community on line whose main focus is personal expansion. There are so many ways to expand your soul by taking an inquiry stance to self discovery. This is what I am dedicating my life to each day. It is an exhilarating way to live and it brings me great joy, however, it contributes to my suffering and inability to sleep. I am fortunate to have found a gift, I have learned to hold and dance with it all. I am full of immense gratitude.

 

Celebration Mode

Today I am in full celebration mode. I am celebrating that I feel I have reached a peak in my human potential – I am able to bask in the beauty of my full human, divine, sovereign self. I am able to dance with the energies of my fear and terror as well as my unfathomable joy. I am able to sit in resonance with all that I am feeling in my embodied self and to share that with others. I no longer try to judge my emotional world as light or dark, good or bad, positive or negative, right or wrong. I see it all as part of my experiencing the fullness of my humanity and therefore, my divine sovereign self.

Choosing to Nurture

I am still gripped by the fear and terror. Clearly, it is always there in the back of my mind. For example, every time I let the dog out into the yard, I cannot leave the door open until she comes back in. I have to close the door and bolt it and then only open it when she is on the top step ready to come in. There is this terror that someone will come in when the door is open and that I will be vulnerable to violence (my fear stories).

Today I am so gripped by fear and terror I need to have the house completely alarmed and still there is this sense of not being safe. Continue reading

The Past Stays in the Present

I have been up most of the night. I thought this would happen when I went to bed because I was so stricken by the fear and terror of the night’s darkness today. I could feel the fear and terror come over me as darkness approached. I felt so sad that no matter how much I changed my beliefs, attitudes and fear stories I tell myself, I cannot undo my past completely. Bessel van der Kolk says that the problem with PTSD is that the past stays in the present. This is true for me.

So many times I hear that you should not stay a victim. Continue reading

A Change in Perspective

I am going to start regarding my illnesses as not a problem. I am going to let them be something other than a threat. I think of them as a threat because they leave me feeling so vulnerable and brings up my uncertainty of being abundantly enough as I am right now. I am going to experience them as an expression of higher sound vibration and frequency that is moving through my body. I am going to treat my hyperarousal as information and listen with my heart, trying to feel what to it is intending to teach me. Continue reading