Awareness is a Beautiful Thing

These last 12 years of inquiry and awakening have helped me to find the beauty and wonder of my humanity. I have learned to hold with great compassion deep feelings of unworthiness and felt the pang of complete emptiness while also experiencing the reaches and depths of my ethereal world. Continue reading

Finding Awe and Wonder in the Ordinary

These last 12 years have been years of deep inquiry and self discovery. It took great courage and determination to sit and feel whatever I was experiencing fully in my mental, emotional, ethereal and physical bodies. This journey has led me to a life beyond what I could have imagined of and again, full with deep love and gratitude. The ordinary things of life have become extraordinary and full of wonder and awe. Continue reading

The Gifts of Symptoms

Sometimes I think there is so much pressure to cure myself right now especially after listening to a Winter of Wellness Summit by the Shift Network. It seems like having an illness is wrong, that you are doing something wrong because you are not curing yourself and no alternative medicines are working either. Today I am proclaiming that I can receive and celebrate the many gifts I have found through my illnesses. Continue reading

Abundance of Joy

Yesterday my body was racked with pain. I could not do a thing. It killed to hold a glass of water or to try to get dressed. I could feel my fear about how bad would this pain get and how long would it last. I could feel my deep disappointment with living with this great discomfort. I could feel my anger at this not resolving itself no matter what I did. However, what brought me grace (joy) was that I was able to regard my human self with great compassion and empathy. I was able to feel all the feelings in my body and celebrate my humanity in not wanting to suffer. I was able to bring great love and understanding to myself completely.

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Healing Without a Cure

I first sought therapy in 2004 because I no longer could handle the pain of life as I knew it. In the last 12 years or so, I have not been able to cure my PTSD, Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia after trying every treatment I could find that was supported by research, medication and alternative medicine. However, what I have managed to do is to turn my daily anguish into possibilities of grace (joy) which leaves me feeling deep love and deep gratitude throughout my day. I now feel these are the two life lessons I came to earth to learn. Continue reading

Embracing Life

I find myself having to stop and rub my head to soothe myself from this unrelenting anxiety I have from feeling so fully alive mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I reach out to connect with Lisa and my husband. I do not need to talk to them, I just need to think of their love and my heart becomes so full while I live with such pain and suffering. I have really lived into my mantra, I embrace my life with ease and flow.

There are so many reasons why I feel so alive. Continue reading

I’M BACK!!!

I feel compelled to start to write again so here it is. A few weeks ago I met with one of my doctors. He said Janet, having cancer is a terrible thing and can rob you of your life but having a disease of the mind can also rob you of your life. As I first heard this I was in full agreement. Yes, my PTSD has robbed me from the life I knew. However, as time has passed since I heard this, I have really realized that for the last 11 years I have been building a totally new life. Continue reading